i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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