My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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