Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
