I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
