Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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