It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
