Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
