new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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