he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
