I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize