Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
