Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize