you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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