Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think my moral compass just broke
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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