Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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