are you still at the devil's house?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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