If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize