but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize