Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
