my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
