We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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