i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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