Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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