Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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