She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
