do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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