Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
