STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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