wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
