found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
