I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
