he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
