Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
