It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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