we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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