I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
