I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
