mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
