talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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