Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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