apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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