You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
