Whod you bang
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
