Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
