He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
