3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
