You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
