chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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