If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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