roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
