I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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