No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
