I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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