So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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