Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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