nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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