is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I did not marry a roomba.
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