high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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