i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
