Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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