life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
