I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
