With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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