Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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