i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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