I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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