Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
