I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
