Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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