you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
