someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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