I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
